The Old ICFAI Days - Onam Greetings

As it has been my custom for the past couple of years, my subjects have always been in for a treat as we near Onam, which also doubles up as my Onam greetings.

For the past year and a half, and another half that's yet to come, Puli, like king Mahabali has been in exile, banished to this place called Hyderabad. The gentle soul was tricked into trading in all his pleasures and his generosity by an evil demon called "Education", who promised to bestow great prosperity and immense happiness to him and all those around him, if he made a small sacrifice. He, ie. the devil, elaborated how the world having become this really sad and sorry place to live in, couldn't deal with people who are extremely happy or extremely sad. On much deeper probing they figured that while the later were quite easy to deal with, the former posed a serious challenge. The later, they figured, took care of themselves. Let me elaborate. It's like this: whenever people would get extremely depressed, in America for example they would go on a shooting spree - kill all the people who pissed him off - kill himself too, or in Pakistan you would declare jehad, in Sri Lanka you can join the LTTE, in Amsterdam you can do enough dope and sex till you brains are just too numb to feel neither happniess nor pain. Then you have India. That's where the problem lies. India is not a free country, it's a democracy. You ae not free to shoo your neighbour. You have to get the approvals of all those concerned. Our version of the Hamas is the Left Party, the only thing those jokers get close to is killing noble ideas like getting more nuclear reactors. The other option is to dip onself in the Ganges, which along with killing your sadness will kill you too. So, we just export our "really sad" to countries that have lowered the bar. That doesn't mean they drink in the basements, stupid!

Enough of that detour. Now coming back on track, the really happy people, like myself, are a real problem to deal with, a recent survey revealed. They figured that the "really happy" were raising the bar and even normal people were under threat of falling under the really sad category. Accordingly, as part of a novel venture, it was suggested that the "really happy" shouldn't remain that way. Statistics revealed that people were willing to make small sacrifices for greater happiness in the future. The world would use that "time" to execute drastic measures that would bring the rest of the population on par by then. To cut a long story short, the "really happy" people were banished to live in crappy towns filled with ugly hairy women, eating veg food, without television, sluggish internet, cut off from reality and civilization as we know it today.

I signed the contract, for you guys.

You can thank me later. But then, on certain days in the year, the Banished are released from their misery. This year, I intend to use this limited time to travel to the Holy Land and talk to Mahabali, see if we can apply for bail, may be, we can escape. But you see that's where the problem lies. That fool Mahabali is serving a life sentence, while I am not. Mahabali was accused and convicted of being really really bloody happy. I didn't go that far, I was easy to get off with a reasonable two years rigourous imprisonment. God's are such losers. I don't ever want to be one.

Starting tomorrow followed by the next 6-8 days in this very time I was talking about. I am being let out on community service. It's a very auspicious time in the Puli calendar. It will see Puli running with the wind, jumping in clear waters, drinking to his heart's delight, eating all the animals the earth can produce. I didn't say I was serving the community, it means they will be serving me. Bring it on baby, Onam in Kerala, it's about time!

On a less dellusional note, I wish you all a very Happy Onam. Hopefully I will be spending the weekend, HOPEFULLY, on my return from the Holy Land, in Bangalore. Let's hope we meet. For now, I am off to Mallu Land. In the meanwhile, I am leaving you with this traditional song we all sing once we are in the Holy Land, as my gift to all the "yet to get really happy" people.

Enjoy.