How the BBC Ruined My Monday Morning

My weekend revolved around BBC. I am not referring to the British Broadcasting Corporation, but Badminton, Beer and the Cold.

The beauty of this story, it's a true one and happened under the influence of zero alcohol. Readers must realise that even a simple thing like a common cold can have a huge impact on a high performance machine like Pulickal. And the beauty of extreme fatigue on one's thinking.

Now, one must know the background and the build up to this event. It goes thus.

Last Friday and Saturday were two very busy and fun filled days. Recuperating from a cold, I was challenged to a game of badminton by a friend of mine. Eager as we both were to play, I passed on it, as I was down with the flu, running nose and all. But my friend Royston, wouldn't take no for an answer. Having beaten him on the previous four consecutive weekends, he must have been eager to extract his revenge. But with due respect to the lad, I am a lazy bum who needs a kick in the backside to get things rolling. Just because I said "kick in the backside" and "things rolling", don't let your imagination run wild and take things literally, my manhood is not detachable. Such dirty movies you people watch that your minds are filthy, shame on you.

I'll try to keep this simple, because I am still flirting with Delirium. She's damn cute, this Delirium, but like all cute things, she's very unpredictable, and never stays long enough.

Three days of hardly any sleep, plenty of beer and for the 16th time, a bloody cold, and tablets for cold, I receive a phone call y'day afternoon at 3.30pm. I had just got back from another exhausting round of badminton, and was half asleep when the mobile begins to ring. If I ever get to meet that beast who invented it, I would shove his invention up his bum, for that's it's rightful place.

Coming back to my story… the phone rings. Groggy as groggy can be, I answer the call. It's a girl at the other end. Says, "Hi, this is Aparna. Sachin, how do you go from Koramangala to Kalasipalayam.". I just met a girl by the same first name the previous night, a very close friend's fiance. She happens to stay in Koramangala too. I hadn't heard her voice on the phone before, so I thought it was her. I know what you arseholes are thinking, but my thoughts were absolutely noble. It sounded weird that she would call me and ask me for directions, but then, it's only directions. May be Sunil, my friend, had asked her to call me and me for directions. Even that didn't make much sense, but I didn't bother to break my head over it, and I just complied gave her directions. When you are woken up from your sleep, one's only motivation is to somehow put a swift end to the call and go back to sleep. I give her directions. I asked her if that was her number and saved it against her name. I promptly got a messgae"Contact saved to Memory" from my stupid phone, bloody brainless device. I go back to sleep and forgot the whole episode.

This afternoon, I got a call on my phone while I was out for lunch. I had left my cellphone in my desk drawer, so I saw the missed call. It was an unfamiliar number. Being the courteous soul that I am, decided to return the call with my new found corporate manners, "Hi, This is Sachin Pulickal, I got a call from this number…. How may I help you". The voice at the other end, another lady says I had reached the reception at the WIPRO office in Bangalore. She said, may be one of your friends from Wipro might have called you. I said "Ok", and ended the call.

But whom do I know who works at Wipro? No one (at least no one that readily comes to mind). So I take a wild guess, and it must be that Aparna who I met recently , may be she called to thank me for giving directions to Kalasipalayam. So I called the number I had saved yesterday. So, I call from my desk phone. "Aparna" picks up and the conversation goes thus:

Sachin: "Hi, is this Aparna?"
Aparna: "Yes……. Who is this?"
Sachin: - "This is Sachin Pulickal."
Aparna "Hi Sachin"

Things are going fairly normal at this stage. The conversation continues…

Sachin: "Which company did u say you worked for?"
Aparna: "Huh? Who is this?"
Sachin; "Sachin Pulickal. This is Aparna, right?"

It gets weird from here…
A: Yes, it's Aparna you monkey.
S: "Did you just call me some time ago? Do you work for Wipro?"
A: Speechless.

Now I am really bloody confused. I check the number on the phone display and check the number saved against Aparna in my cellphone. They both match. It doesn't make sense. Why is she sounding so confused?

My Eureka Moment

A: "Sachin Pulickal, who have you called?"
S: "Aparna Nandakumar…."
A: This is Aparna Sharma. We met during lunch 15 mins ago, I work in your same office, you stupid dog…"
S: "Oh shit!".

After a long string of abuses on how she wants to murder me, I apologise for my mistake, and decide to call the REAL Aparna I intended to call. But I am still surprised how, my cellphone stored this number against her name. Then I think, in my sorry state, may be I "edited/wrote over the other Aparna's contact details".

Now, I still don't know who is that called me from Wipro. I recall Aparna telling me that she workd in HR in some company, but I couldn't readily recall the name. It didn't sound like Wipro, but what if they are some subsidiary of Wipro, recruiters who hire on behalf of Wipro, contractors, etc. I don't know anybody who works for Wipro, so I still under the assumption that Aparna must be the one who called me, because, "I don't know anybody who works for Wipro".

Perfectly logical Pulickal. Bravo. Although I am still clueless why she would call me. Read the second paragraph for my assumptions.

New problem.

I don't have Aparna's number. Looking into my gmail inbox and problem solved! She mailed all those who met her on the weekend with sweet little one-liners for each and every one of them and she's shared her phone number too. So, things start falling into place. May be because I asked her if it was her number before I saved it on my cellphone, she might be sharing it across the group, so that they might not ask retarded questions next time she calls. What are the odds of that happening? Don't ask me man, my brains are not functioning particluarly well at this point.

The story goes on…

Blunder of blunders, I call Miss Aparna Nandakumar……

SP: Hi Aparna, This is Sachin Pulickal
AN: Hi!
SP: Which company do u work for?
AN: Cambridge something something….
SP: Speechless.
SP: Not Wipro?
AN: I told you I work for Cambridge something something….
SP: Speechless.

SP. So, did your friend manage to get to Kalasipalayam y'day?
AN: What?
SP: Kalasipalayam……. y'day, you called, I gave u directions….
AN: Why would I call u for directions?

Bingo. Finally, she's talking sense! I was still wondering why she called me of all people, but then again, may be because I was mallu and seemed like a decent guy and she must be scared of Amith. But it doesn't make sense. AN's asking me about some friend's resume I was supposed to forward, blah blah blah, and I am still wondering what the hell's going on.

After exchanging pleasantries, the call ends.

Now, the Real Eureka moment!

I finally figure it all out.

It was Aparna from my office, she's from out of town, and I happen to be th eonly localite she knows. She called and in my slumber I thought it was A.N. and gave her directions, saved the first Aparna's number as AN's number. Stupid cellphone, brainless piece of technology. This I am sure wouldn't have happened if it was on the landline, mum would have answered the call, "Sachin is sleeping. Please call later". I love my landline.


Now, I call up the original Aparna who called me and is the cause for all this mess. I explain what happens, and she's livid. I got another mouthful.

I am not calling Aparna Nandakumar. There are more expletives in her vocabulary. And being mallu, she can curse in the vernacular, which is twice as bad.

So, I throw my cellphone into my draw, where it's under lock and key. I am not answering any more calls on it for a while. God only knows what happens on the next phone call.

And yes, no more courtesy calls to "Missed Calls" from unknown numbers. If they really want to get in touch with me, they'll call me again.

Stupid cellphones….. the day I find the guy who invented it, "Somebody's gonna get hurt".

And that's how the BBC Ruined My Monday Morning.


Fin




Readers please note:
All the people who need to be copied onto this email have been copied. That includes Sunil and both the Aparnas, all the guys I went drinking with, and some of you who don't know of the above.
The author is sufficiently embarassed with himself, so you need not make things any worse for him.
Cellphones are nasty.
In future, if I you call me from a new number, I don't answer and don't return your call, now you know why!