I Hate Russians

The Russians? Are you serious? Russia? The home of the Sukhoi and the Siberian tiger? Some of the prettiest women in the world are Russians. They have one of world’s best gymnastic teams, athletic teams that have won plenty of Olympic gold medals, scientists, engineers, submarines, missiles, and oil wells.

They may have miserable winters where temperatures touch 20degrees below zero only to dip even further. It must be awful living in a freezer, but ice looks good on tv. So, I choose to ignore the cold.

But then they are also home to some of the worst cars made in human history, Communism, Marxism and the Russian mafia. The Russian mafia is something even the Sicilians are scared of.

But then, why would I be bothered about Russian subs and AK47s?

Well, for Two years in a row, I have been exploring the true potential of the second gear in my car. I had to drive close of ten kilometers in second gear, not shifting to third for the fear of running over someone, or worse still, killing myself. Not shifting to third for the fear of running over someone?


Why?

Well, that’s what happens when you drink that colourless, odourless, tasteless, industrial piss called Vodka.

Vodka…….. all the bad words put together and raised to the power of ten can’t describe my feelings for vodka.

You mix that stupid thing with any fruit juice, and you think you are drinking fruit juice. Mix it with Sprite and you are drinking Sprite. Mix it carbonated/aerated water and it’ll taste just like aerated water.

It’s appears to be a harmless colourless liquid that has neither taste nor flavour. Spineless. So you end up drinking it like you are drinking fruit juice, or soda, with vodka in it, sipping it like what you think it really is, which is fruit juice or soda. Its only a matter of time till your brain decides to jump into what feels like a washing machine, spinning in power-wash mode.

Two years in a row, at my school alumni meet, for the sheer laziness of standing in line to buy the beers, my friends and I opted to buy a bottle of vodka instead.

And on both ocassions, I went home high as a kite.

And the Russians drink it like water. They drink it with milk, and call it a White Russian. I am not making this up, you can trust me on this.

Only a Russian can drink Vodka and milk. I never liked milk as a child and I still don’t. And with vodka in it, I think I’ll throw up for a week.

Come to think of it, I think that's why some people in this world prefer to drink “country liquor” brewed out of battery acid, hallucinogenic drugs and sleeping pills.

The lucky ones die, while the others get to go blind.

But I’ll bet you whatever you want, given a choice, they would prefer to drink that instead of vodka.

Bloody Russians.