Clockwork Orange

One of my earliest memories as a child is getting ready for school. My first school, Sophia’s, where I studied until I was in class four, used to start quite early in the morning for Bangalore standards. It used to start at a freezing 8:05am. On misty Bangalore mornings, as my brother and I stood at the veranda, with our lunch boxes and school bags, we filled our lungs with air, and blew it out into the morning mist to see who “smoked” more as we waited for dad to pull out the car or the scooter from the garage. The old days……

We were healthy kids. And we stayed healthy for a reason. Everyday, if there’s one thing we did without fail, it had to be take tablespoon fulls of Waterbury’s Compound. We always took one for good luck. We loved our Waterbury’s. I still swear by it. For those of you who don’t what it is, it’s a general tonic that builds body resistance against colds, cough, bronchitis, and the lot. We took our shot of Waterbury’s and we wrestled in the dust, played with water, did all the stupid things we could think of, and we didn’t fall sick. That was our magic potion. In the old days it came in a black square glass bottle. I will not be surprised if our love for Old Monk stems from our love for Waterbury’s.

Nostalgia. Nice.

I just ran down to the store and bought myself a bottle of Waterbury’s for old time sake. With the caramel flavour still lingering in my mouth, I am now ready to take life by the horns, do a back flip and kick it in the balls. Its about time.

Those of you who know me, for the last three-four weeks, there has been only one thing on my mind. The most dreaded word in all of mankind. The mere mention of the word is enough to send shivers down the spine. In dark rooms where they don’t want to be seen, men and women discuss the horrors and the unseen tragedies they had to suffer when the beast sprang into the air and attacked them. It bit them and mauled them, leaving them bleeding and traumatized. Some even dead.

A few manage to scamper away to safety, ran into the jungles. They lived off wild berries, fruits whatever the jungle had to offer. Occasionally, they would bump into hikers who would part with a few tea bags and chocolate chip cookies. Not all are that lucky. The jungles are not always littered with hikers carrying chocolate chip cookies in their backpacks. Some went hungry. As long as they were in the jungles, they thought the beast wouldn't bother them. They wished!

Now they all speak in whispers, fearing the horrors, what if the beast returns?

If you are lucky someone will whisper a few words into your ears. Its usually a very scared, “Run, and keep running”. (It’s a whisper, thus can’t be in normal font size.)

The more I researched, the more I wanted to buy a fast car. I wanted a turbo charged version. Planned to install performance exhausts and stiff suspension. Big fat tyres for extra grip. I wanted Nitrous Oxide in the boot. I needed ceramic brakes. I filled my fuel tank to the brim. I even contemplated signing up for a “midway refuelling” service, only to find out there is not such thing.

I was petrified, still am. May be I should get a dog for added security, one of those fierce, mean, ugly bastards with teeth that can bite through steel. I’ll even buy it a collar with shiny steel spikes to give it an even meaner look. I’ll call it “Hippo – the crocodile slayer”. But I am told even that may not help. The beast apparently has no sense of humour and working under cover for the Japs, it aims to wipe out the Green Peace activists.

As I was just about losing all hope, Inspiration knocks on the door.

He’s not Tamil Christian, don’t worry. Inspiration as in “to be inspired”.

Knock knock. I let him in. He had a message. It’s cryptic. But it’s a brilliant plan. You watch it for yourself and let me know what you think of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zorjieypbjo

I have nice big smile on my face. Thank god for Waterbury’s Compound. Surprising isn’t it? You used to drink it as a child to protect you from Mother Nature. You are no longer a child and while it still protects you from the elements, it gives you that psychological edge to fight against Mothers’ nature.

It’s a mind game.

They’ll ask me questions, a lot of questions and I’ll tell them….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONERYZ0R19E

We have a game on our hands.

Oh! Nearly forgot. That dreaded word…….Shhhhhhhh. Remember, you must never say it out loud or the beast will hear you and hunt you down.

That dreaded word is Marriage.

Have I gone Clockwork Orange?

Well, I don't know. But think about it, isn't that what marriage is all about? About going Clockwork Orange?

Think about it and let me know.

While you ponder over that, I'll leave you in the company of the master genius.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-mvutiDRvQ

The End